Sometimes words that come out of a person’s mouth, are perceived in different ways.
“You are no mother at all.”
Those words taken to heart. The person that said those words, I am choosing to leave anonymous, as maybe there was something else behind why they were said.
Did that person grow up with a live-in nanny? With their mother not around much?
Is there some sort of grief, or trauma-induced event that happened to them as a child?
Or is there something else going on.
But what I do know, is that I am a good mother. A darn good, strong-willed, multi-tasking mother.
Making this clear, the person whom said these words, is not my husband. During road construction season, he leaves for work before the kids and I even get up in the morning, and sometimes doesn’t get home until everyone is asleep. It’s myself who gets the kids up. Makes sure they get snuggles, dressed and if during the week, gets them ready for the day for the sitter, drives them to Grandma and Grandpa’s, to school or somedays, having to work and watch them myself.
But then there is everything else that goes on to keep a household functioning. I’m sure others can relate.
But then to hear those words.
“You are no mother at all.”
I get help watching my kids, so that I can work a 40 hour a week job. Prior to this, I was a family child care provider for six years, at home with my children. Writing for the Grand Rapids Herald Review, gets done when my kids are in bed.
Do I invest a few hours each month being part of a task force encouraging licensed child care in our community?
Yes, but it’s important to me to give-back to the community, and help provide a future for our youngest learners.
Do I volunteer as a Sunday School teacher?
Yes, but faith is also important in our family, and I would want the kids to be there regardless, so if they are going to be there, and the church is short of Sunday School teachers, why wouldn’t I help out.
Do I have a side-business selling activewear clothing?
Yes, but even there. Words such as “Why are you doing this”, “Don’t you have enough on your plate”, “When are you going to put your kids first” have been said.
Harsh words. Very – harsh – words.
Why did I take that on? Because I needed to invest in something for “myself”.
At the time of signing on over a year and a half ago, I didn’t need one more thing on my plate.
Life was simply already nuts. We had actually hired a sitter to help some evenings with my husband gone, and paid for someone to clean our home.
A year and a half ago, I simply couldn’t keep up.
But something inside me said, “There is something in this side-business for you.”
At a point in my life, where I needed not one more thing to check off the daily to-do list, I said, “I’ll do it.”
As crazy as it sounds, I have more time now because of pursuing it.
All this has only made me push harder. Become stronger. And you know what, truly thank those nay-sayers for not being silent.
To that person that told me those words. You can’t control me.
If you had to say those words, to say those words, or get them off your chest. Then I guess you had to say it.
I’m going to be open-minded, give you grace, and hope you didn’t mean what you really said.
Because when putting my daughter to bed tonight, she said, “Mom, I couldn’t ask for a better mom.”
“Thanks sweetheart. And I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”